Prescription Suitcase

“I’ll get out of your way in a minute. I have to un-offend this man.”

-spoken by an older female traveler who pissed off a guy near her by taking his laptop case out of the overhead bin so she could put her rollaboard up there. I was annoyed by both of them. First of all, you don’t just move someone else’s luggage without asking permission first. Secondly, if all you have is a laptop case, put it under the damn seat in front of you. (I bet he was an AMBT.)

I’ve ranted on this blog before about proper in-flight etiquette and obnoxious airport and airplane behavior, but this recent column on MSNBC by Tripso columnist James Wysong sums the subject up beautifully. He describes - quite artfully, I might add - several annoying travel personalities, such as the Line Moron, the Hands-Free Guy, and the Stop-and-Starter. His list is spectacular. About the only personality I would add would be what I have taken to referring to as the “Alpha Male Business Traveler.” He’s sort of a hybrid of Wysong’s Hands-Free Guy, Strategic Complainer, and Late Arrival.

The Alpha Male Business Traveler is usually sporting one of those hands-free cell phone devices, and he has an assortment of phones and pda’s strapped to his fancy-schmancy regulation business attire leather belt. He is usually very loud when conducting his phone conversations (as Wysong mentioned) but also verbally aggressive/borderline verbally abusive and occasionally prone to fits of cursing. But the Alpha Male Business Traveler doesn’t stop there. This is the guy who hogs the electrical outlets in the gate area so he can charge his eight million gadgets and power his laptop, the guy who complains loudly about the smallest of flight delays, and the guy who shoves his way to the front of the line during boarding because he has elite status with the airline and just has to get on first, regardless of how many other people may be ahead of him. The Alpha Male Business Traveler also has a tendency to treat flight attendants like hired help. I once boarded a plane and the AMBT seated a few rows behind me actually held up the security announcements and push-back because he insisted that the flight attendant bring him and his buddy drinks. (This particular plane didn’t have a first class cabin, so AMBT decided he would just act like he was in first class and get his beverage on before push-back. Oh, and this same guy cut in front of me and a bunch of other people in the boarding line so that he and his buddy could get on first.) The AMBT also likes to argue with gate agents and flight attendants about whether or not his monster-sized carryon will fit in the overhead compartment on a regional jet or a dash-8.

I’ve also noticed that the AMBTs seem to be the worst offenders when it comes to hogging the armrests, sprawling into my seat space, and reclining so rapidly they practically break my laptop in half. There is nothing I relish more than an assertive flight attendant who can take these guys down a few pegs.

A recent news story recounted the unfortunate death of a female passenger on a recent American Airlines flight from Haiti to JFK airport in New York:

NEW YORK (AP) — Struggling to breathe, American Airlines passenger Carine Desir asked for oxygen, but a flight attendant twice refused her request, the woman’s cousin said.

Carine Desir was having trouble breathing and asked for oxygen, her cousin says.

“Don’t let me die,” the cousin, Antonio Oliver, recalled Desir saying after the attendant allegedly refused at first to administer the oxygen Friday.

But Desir did die, Oliver said Sunday in a telephone interview.

He said the flight attendant finally relented but various medical devices on the plane failed, including two oxygen tanks that were found to be empty and what may have been a defibrillator that seemed to malfunction.

You can read the rest of the story here. While this story is very sad and upsetting, unfortunately I can’t say that it’s terribly surprising. A flight attendant refusing a passenger’s request for assistance, empty supplemental oxygen tanks (makes you wonder if those oxygen masks that are supposed to drop from the ceiling in the event of a loss of cabin pressure would actually work), and a malfunctioning defibrillator all point to the declining customer service standards of the airline industry. The bottom line these days is that you just don’t matter. It’s sad but true.

G.O.B. (good ol’ boy) sitting behind me, in a heavy Texas twang:

“Mah waf just torned forty. I’d like ta trayde her een fer two twenny year olds.”

(Translation: “My wife just turned forty. I’d like to trade her in for two twenty year olds.”)

Ick. I need a shower and the plane’s not even here yet.

Found this article on USAToday.com this morning:

Federal air marshals charged a Seattle-area man with groping a female passenger aboard a United Airlines flight that the pilot diverted to Pittsburgh because of the disturbance.

Michael Lamar Holland, 46, appeared before a magistrate on Monday on a charge of abusive sexual contact, according to Ted Hresko, special agent in charge of the Pittsburgh air marshals’ office.

Holland had been chatting with a 39-year-old woman Sunday on United Flight 917, which was bound for Seattle from Dulles International Airport near Washington D.C., he said.

“The next thing you know, he’s groping her,” Hresko said. “The flight attendants asked our (air marshals) to get involved.”

You can read the rest of the article here.

I was appalled, but not entirely surprised, by the behavior of the passenger in question. I have yet to be groped on a flight but I have certainly spent my share of flying time seated next to men who don’t understand the concept of personal space.  On a recent flight from Louisville to Charlotte, the guy next to me had his elbow firmly lodged against my ribcage for almost the entire time.  I was trying to get some work done on my laptop and he was so sprawled out that I had to type with one hand and contort the left half of my body in order to be halfway comfortable.

I realize that airplanes (especially the smaller regional jets) are cramped and that personal space is definitely at a premium (even in First Class) but come on.  Do your best to corrall your appendages!  Oh, and don’t grope.

On another note, I realize the suitcase has been a bit quiet lately — heck, this blog practically qualifies for “lost luggage” status — but I will be posting more regularly in 2008.  Stay tuned!

Ran across this very good article today on MSNBC — all sorts of tips and tricks from road warriors like me to help ease your travel pains.  Enjoy!

P.S. Got my first upgrade to first class last night en route from Charlotte to Detroit.  Score!  (Those frequent flyer programs are actually worth it!)

I was pretty shocked to read this news item today, about a pilot and co-pilot on a redeye that fell asleep until just before they had to put the plane on the ground!! Yikes.

WASHINGTON - According to a new NASA report, two pilots fell asleep during a red-eye flight from Baltimore to Denver in March 2004. They woke up as they were approaching Denver International Airport at twice the allowed speed.

The pilot told officials, “The last 45 minutes of flight, I fell asleep and so did the first officer.” He added, “I woke up … and heard frantic calls from air traffic control.”

The pilot was ordered to land the plane.

What shocked me the most was that the pilot and first officer were actually able to fall asleep on a redeye, something that I’ve never been very good at. Guess the cockpit’s more comfy than coach!

I was back in Chicagoland this week, and as I made my way through the airport last night on my way home, I noticed a flu shot kiosk in Terminal 2.  The University of Illinois Medical Center has a clinic at O’Hare airport, and in the fall they set up kiosks in the terminal to encourage travelers to stop and get a flu shot.  Since getting a flu shot is on my to-do list every year (I have asthma and prefer to reduce my risk of catching any illness that messes with my respiratory system) I decided to stop and get a shot last night.  The cost was $35, which was probably a bit more than I would have paid at my doctor’s office, but the convenience factor was worth the added expense.  It took less than five minutes to complete the little release form, pay the fee, and get the shot — all in all, an easy way for harried travelers like myself to take care of this essential task.

If you travel as much as I do, or even if you don’t, consider getting a flu shot.  There’s no vaccine shortage this year, so pretty much anyone who wants a flu shot can get one.  The vaccine is made from a killed virus, so there is no chance of getting the flu from the shot itself.  It’s worth it… if you haven’t experienced the bone-crushing aches, bouncing fever, and lung-shattering cough of a full-blown attack of the flu lately, you may not recall how wretched it can be.  Get the shot — especially if you travel.  It will help you stay healthy this winter and, by extension, help you avoid spreading the flu to others.

Here’s an article that appeared in USA Today last year about airport flu shot clinics. 

(Tip of the hat to the amazing Amy Winehouse.)

By now, you’ve probably heard about Carol Gotbaum, the woman who was found dead after being arrested for disorderly conduct at the Phoenix airport — the result of not being allowed to board a flight from Phoenix to Tucson.  It turns out she was on her way to Tucson to check herself into an acohol rehabilitation facility.  She was late for her flight (I would imagine because her flight to Phoenix was delayed, but I could be wrong about that) and when she got to the gate in Phoenix, the gate crew wouldn’t let her board.  She got angry, and the authorities detained her.  A short while later, they found her dead.

Her family smells a rat, and I have to admit that after reading more of the details, I do too.

I’m not defending Ms. Gotbaum’s behavior in the airport — reportedly running around, flailing her arms, and screaming — but I think there must have been extenuating circumstances in this case.  The woman was on her way to an alcohol treatment facility in Tucson; is it possible she could have already been experiencing some withdrawal symptoms that contributed to her erratic behavior?  I am personally acquainted with more than one recovering alcoholic, and I know that the process of getting sober can be difficult in the extreme.  I can only imagine what Ms. Gotbaum must have been feeling, both physically and emotionally, as she made her way from New York to Arizona this past Friday.  I have come close to doing what Ms. Gotbaum allegedly did in the airport myself when faced with uncaring, unhelpful airline employees and a delay that, nine times out of ten, was the airline’s fault to begin with, so while I don’t defend her reaction, I don’t condemn it, either.

My heart goes out to her family, and I hope this tragedy forces airlines and airport police to re-examine their procedures when dealing with passengers, even irate ones.  Ms. Gotbaum was sick and trying to get help, and the undoubtedly crappy attitude of the airline employees coupled with her treatment at the hands of the arresting officers likely exacerbated an already precarious situation.

Just came across this article on CNN about remote-controlled toys in carry-on luggage.  The TSA is inspecting such items more closely nowadays because they could potentially be used by a terrorist to detonate explosive devices:

The TSA stopped short of banning the toys in carry-on bags but suggested travelers place them in checked luggage.

“Travelers may encounter additional screening when bringing remote control devices in carry-on baggage,” the TSA said. In addition, anyone carrying such toys, including children, may have to go through secondary screening.

The change was not prompted by any specific intelligence, the TSA said. Instead, it was made in response to July’s National Intelligence Estimate, which concluded the United States will face “a persistent and evolving terrorist threat” in the coming years, and also by generalized threats that noted the use of remote-control toys as detonators.

Authorities allege one of two students arrested in South Carolina in August posted a video on YouTube demonstrating how to use a remote-controlled toy to trigger a bomb.

I don’t want to sound too snarky, since this does seem like something that a creative terrorist could potentially exploit, but it does raise another question: why would any parent allow their kid to bring a remote-controlled toy in their carry-on anyway?  It would drive other people at the airport crazy if the kid was playing with it in the terminal, and I can only imagine the kind of havoc it could generate in flight.  In fact, I’m not even sure a remote-controlled toy would qualify as one of the “approved portable electronic devices” a person could use in flight.

All I know is that I would probably go out of my mind if I was rushing through the terminal trying to make a flight and I had to dodge some kid’s out-of-control toy car or duck to avoid getting beaned by one of those awful RC helicopters.  Let’s face it: getting through a crowded airport terminal is sort of a horizontal giant slalom to begin with, what with all the wheely suitcases, golf cart-like passenger assistance vehicles, strollers, moving sidewalks, escalators, slow walkers, and dead stoppers. (That latter term is what I call those annoying people who stop walking just outside the jetway or in the middle of a crowded terminal to turn on their cell phones, check their tickets, or get their bearings.  You wouldn’t stop your car in the middle of the road, so why not sit down somewhere or at least have the decency to step off to the side and let the other people who actually know where they’re going keep moving?)  The last thing we need is another obstacle on the way to a gate.

Parents, have pity on your fellow travelers: leave the Radio Shack gadgets at home or pack them in your checked luggage as the TSA advises.  Stick to cuddly toys, books, puzzles, iPods, and handheld video games for your child’s in-flight entertainment.  If you can’t do that, at least keep your children from creating a tripping hazard for the rest of us!

More details about the TSA’s new initiative here.